10th February 2023
5 Ways to Discover your Self-Love Language and Fall in Love with Yourself…
If you want to find out how to love yourself more, you’re in the right place! I wrote this blog with the aim of inspiring you with some ideas on how to love yourself more… and you might improve your relationship with your loved ones at the same time as improving your relationship with yourself…
Maybe you’re where I was… overworked, feeling drained and depleted, giving too much to everyone else and trying (and failing) to please people to the point your body is starting to show physical signs of neglect. Maybe you feel physically and/or emotionally exhausted; maybe you’ve put on weight due to eating emotionally and/or eating out of convenience because you don’t have time to cook nutritious, healthy meals; maybe you’re starting to see health issues and signs of stress, such as insomnia, headaches, digestion issues, fatigue; maybe your relationships with those you love are starting to suffer…
Your body is telling you that you need to give yourself more love, and I’m going to show you how!
The 5 Love Languages comes from a book written by Gary Chapman. He found that different people with different personalities give and receive love differently. There are five main ways people prefer to give and receive love. By recognising these preferences in yourself and your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and grow closer to each other. The same goes for your ability to increase your love for yourself.
What is self-love?
Firstly, let me explain what self-love is from my perspective (as it can mean different things to everyone). Self-love is:
~ Caring for yourself and putting yourself before others to be your best self FOR others. If you’re caring for others with your cup full instead of almost empty, you will be able to give a lot more to them.
~ When you do everything out of love, it’s got to start from within, from a place of pure love and acceptance. That means loving and accepting yourself; loving and accepting who you are; loving and accepting how you do things; loving your values, loving what you’re doing for yourself and others; loving and accepting, and respecting your body. Because when you’re the best version of yourself and take care of yourself properly, you’re better able to help others around you more and create stronger relationships.
~ Unconditional love. Being in love with your body doesn’t mean you have to be attracted to it/love the way it looks right now. It’s about love and respect like you would give a loved one. It’s deeper than appearance. It’s about accepting yourself for who you are. You can unconditionally love someone, even though you don’t love how they appear on the outside or love how they do things. The same goes for you. Forgive yourself for how you’ve treated your body in the past. You didn’t know any better. The important thing is you’re learning how to treat yourself and your body better now.
~ Becoming more self-aware! When you get into a new relationship with someone you like, you do all you can to learn as much about them as possible. You want to know their likes and dislikes, their personality, their values, what you admire about them, and what makes them tick. The same goes for your relationship with YOU and your body! So often, we become disconnected from who we are and what makes us amazing.
The 5 Love Languages
If you haven’t already, go to 5lovelanguages.com, and take the free quiz to find out your love language. This was based on how couples can communicate effectively and show their love to each other. The same goes for the relationship you have with yourself.
For example, if your primary love language is words of affirmation, and you’ve spent all your life critisising yourself, it will not make you feel good about yourself. It’s going to disconnect you from yourself completely. If you deprive yourself of the things that most make you feel loved, you’re telling yourself (and others) that you’re not worthy of love.
Also, when you’re not giving yourself enough love, you tend to crave it more from others to feel worthy and valued, which can strain your relationships.
When you feel happier and more loved by yourself, you don’t NEED as much love from anyone else to feel worthy or valued. Love from others just becomes a bonus.
What’s your self-love language?
What makes you feel really good and more loved by yourself? You may think it’s a real indulgence, or a luxury to have these things… How can you give yourself more of the things that make you feel good? Please note, these are NOT numbered in order of importance (these are just my own!). Your top and bottom love language may be completely different, and you may feel good by doing a bit of all of them.
1. ❤️ Physical touch
These are things that make your skin and body feel good, such as:
- Have a massage or a spa day (you can do this for yourself at home)
- Have a warm bubble bath with candles, Epsom salts and/or essential oils
- Do a physical activity that you love, such as yoga, dancing, running, a gym class, or walking in nature
- Snuggle in a soft blanket or wear soft clothing
- Give yourself physical pleasure; even just stroking your own hand can bring comfort and reassurance
- Skincare and grooming, including dying your hair, getting your hair cut, and putting your makeup on
- Eat something nourishing that tastes good and makes your body feel good
- Brush your hair or even stroke your pet.
2. ❤️ Words of affirmation
Words of affirmation could be your top love language if you feel good just by being kind to yourself with your thoughts and words and when you positively talk about yourself to others. This can include:
- Read/listen to words of encouragement, such as reading an empowering book, or listening to an inspirational podcast
- Tell yourself empowering statements (positive affirmations) you need to hear, such as “I am beautiful” or “I can do this”
- Read positive messages & testimonials from clients
- Talk about yourself positively to others
- Journal your thoughts and self-reflection
- Watch motivational content, for example, empowering movies or a Ted Talk on YouTube
- Thank and/or congratulate yourself for things you’ve done
- Start a gratitude journal
- Write down your strengths and positive things about yourself
- Speak about what you will do – manifesting your ideal future into existence
3. ❤️ Quality time
This is your main love language if you love being in your own company and spending time enjoying your hobbies. Try spending some uninterrupted alone time to nurture your being with something that lights up your soul. This could include:
- Take some time out to meditate and self-reflect
- Do something creative (e.g. painting or learning to play an instrument)
- Explore somewhere new or spend time in nature alone
- Take yourself on a date to your favourite place, movie, theatre, live music
- Go on holiday alone (you can do whatever you like, whenever you like!)
- Enjoy the sunrise/sunset
- Read a book with no interruptions
- Watch a series on tv or your favourite movie
4. ❤️ Acts of service
This is when you feel good by doing things for yourself. These include tasks that need to be completed or things that have been neglected, which serve your well-being and make you feel good. Here are some examples:
- Tidy/clean your home and/or make your bed
- Declutter your wardrobe and take unworn clothes to charity, or sell them online
- Get things ticked off your to-do list
- Scheduling, planning and organising stuff
- Prepare some healthy meals
- Do some charitable work and/or donate to charity
- Attend therapy/coaching sessions
- Book an appointment you’ve been putting off
- Work on your business/side hustle
5. ❤️ Giving & receiving of gifts
Maybe you feel best when you’re gifting yourself things that spark joy or treating yourself to things. This doesn’t have to always involve spending money… For example:
- Spending money on your hobbies or things you love
- Buy yourself some flowers
- Go shopping
- Treat yourself to a holiday
- Invest in your education
- Use arts and crafts to make yourself something, such as a personalised candle.
- Decorate your home
- Write a note to your future self and hide it somewhere
- Order a takeaway meal or go out to a restaurant for dinner
- Book a new class or enrol in a course
Here are some questions to clarify how to give yourself more love…
–> Which one sounds most like you?
–> What are you going to do more of?
–> What will you give yourself more of?
–> What will you allow yourself more of?
–> What will you create more of?
–> What will you treat yourself to?
–> What can you tell yourself, or what can you do to create the change you want?
Quite often, we have a mixture of 2 or 3 that are really important to us, so if/when you do the quiz, pay attention to how you scored on the other love languages too. You may find that all five love languages make you feel good!
If you’re truly ready to start learning to love yourself more, and feel more love, and give more love to others, it works wonders to know your love language and give yourself the things that make you feel good. It may even change your life!
Who am I?
Thanks so much for reading my blog! I’m Ginny Marsh (*waves*). My business is Gorgeous You Photography & Coaching, based between Farnham, Surrey, and Harrogate, North Yorkshire.
I’m a portrait photographer specialising in confidence-boosting boudoir and personal branding shoots, and I’m also a Body confidence & wellbeing coach, as well as running well-being retreats and cacao ceremonies.
I not only help women with camera confidence and their body image, but I also coach them to improve their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-belief, and I help them to find out what brings them joy and feel really good!
I have my business because I can relate a lot to my clients. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and confidence most of my life, and I reached my first burnout in 2018 resulting in severe exhaustion for 6 months. I’m passionate about helping women so that they don’t have to struggle on their own for as long as I did.
I transform my clients from feeling overwhelmed, insecure, and unconfident to feeling calm, confident, happy, and proud of themselves!
If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog, or have any questions, I’d love for you to get in touch here.
Ask me about my Body Confidence Coaching sessions and how they could help you to learn to love yourself more (it can take time and isn’t easy by yourself! I speak from experience!).
Don’t forget to check out the other blogs in my self-love series!
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